Of My Heart
by obsessedwithstabler
Summary: It was better this way. But that didn't stop the tears from falling down her cheeks.


There are many ways to destroy a spy.

Disclaimer: Not mine!

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Being in love with a spy is never easy.

It requires a lot of patience, a lot of give, and a willingness to accept that, at any moment, the one you loved could be brought back to you in a pine box. It's not an easy life, and it becomes even more difficult when you know that you could be used and twisted into forcing the one you love to do despicable deeds.

Fiona sat in solitude in Michael's bathroom. Her arms were wrapped tightly around her knees, and small shudders went through her. She was perched on the edge of the bathtub, wearing only one of Michael's old t-shirts. Michael was sleeping in their bed, undisturbed by the storm raging outside.

Finally Fiona looked over at the small white stick that rested beside her. Positive. She felt the oxygen being sucked out of her lungs, and tremors went through her.

Positive.

She was pregnant.

The life of a spy was dangerous enough, but when a spy had loved ones, children… No enemy hell-bent on destruction would be above using a family against a spy. Family was a way of making a spy compliant, bendable to the will of anyone who could get their hands on the family.

Her breathing was shaky as she wrapped the test in toilet paper, then stuck it at the bottom of the trash can. There was no doubt in her mind whether she'd keep the baby. She loved children, and in her mind abortion was simply not an option. Neither was adoption. This was her baby. But if she stayed, and the wrong person found out about the baby, there would be no hesitation in using the child against her father.

If that happened, Fiona had no doubt that Michael would kill the person responsible.

Moving silently, Fiona turned off the bathroom light and headed back to the bed. Every fiber of her being screamed at her to curl up with Michael and hold him until every single one of her fears and insecurities were assuaged.

But she didn't. She couldn't.

Fifteen minutes later, she had a single suitcase packed. Michael was still sleeping soundly, any noise she made covered by the sounds of the storm raging outside. It would be easier to do it this way.

She didn't want to go, but it was safer this way. She and the baby couldn't be used to break him. Maybe she would go somewhere green, or somewhere where the mountains were covered in snow in the wintertime. She would take care of this baby, and in leaving, she would protect the only man she had ever truly loved with her heart and soul.

It would be better this way.

Setting the suitcase by the door, she moved back to the bed and watched Michael one last time as he slept. He looked so content, so unguarded and young. It was a strange reversal of how he normally looked when he was awake.

Swallowing thickly, Fiona leaned over and gently kissed his forehead. Michael sighed, a small smile playing across his lips.

"Fi…"

She smoothed his hair back. "Shh…go back to sleep, Michael," she whispered, her voice breaking slightly.

"Mm…" He settled under the covers and faded back into sleep.

She stayed with him for a few more minutes, just watching him sleep. It was the last time she'd see him, and she tried to burn every line on his face into her memory.

"I love you, Michael." She had loved him ever since Ireland, and she would love him until her heart stopped beating and the breath left her body forever.

And, she suspected, even longer.

Finally she walked away from the bed, grabbing her suitcase on the way out of the loft. Her heart was breaking with each step she took, but it had to be like this. At least this way, she could keep him safe. And as long as he was safe, then everything else would somehow be okay.

The rain soaked her clothes as she hurried down the steps and ran to the car. She tossed the suitcase into the backseat, then slid into the driver's seat and started the car.

Soon the loft was disappearing behind her, and eventually Miami was at a distance as well.

It was better this way. But that didn't stop the tears from falling down her cheeks.

The End.

A/N: Aww, poor Fiona and Michael! This is a oneshot, but I'm toying with the idea of a sequel. What do you guys think? Thanks for reading, and please review!


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